Rejection – How to cope when it hurts so bad

We all have a desire inside of us to feel important and loved by others. No matter how much some of us may try to mask it, or act like we don’t care about what other people think, there are times when we find ourselves in a time of despair over rejection. This can be from a friend, family member, potential crush, getting denied a promotion at work or even not getting accepted into the school that we wanted that can leave us crying ourselves to sleep. This feeling of despair comes over us that leaves us lying in bed feeling so worthless and unimportant that it eats at us why we always end up with the short end of the stick, or thinking that there must be something wrong with us.

Let me offer some encouragement: Everyone has felt this at one time or another – whether they’re willing to admit it or not. Those people that you compare yourselves to, who seem to have it all, the picture perfect life, struggle or have struggled with this, and may not show it. Also get encouragement from the fact that you’re not alone, and that Jesus felt this many times on the earth.

In the same instances that we feel alone and rejected, especially by people who are really close to us, we can think about how Jesus must have felt when he was betrayed by the very people that he came down to the earth to save. He could have turned his back on us sinners because we were happily nailing him to the cross, but he didn’t.

We were never created to have to feel rejection. This is a by-product of sin. However, we are not immune to it, and there’s nothing you can do to avoid it – no matter how good of a person you are.

Jesus was perfect. He was without sin, loved all people, and accepted those that people wanted nothing to do with, and yet he was still rejected and murdered! The reason being is because Jesus was perfect in an imperfect world.

You cannot let yourself think that something is wrong with you and that you are of less value because you may be push aside by someone, family, a school, a friend or a crush. You don’t need those people in your lives anyways, because it’s toxic and they don’t deserve to encounter your glow.

We have to have enough self confidence in ourselves to see rejection and pain as an opportunity to grow and to continue to do good to those who treat us that way, despite the hurt.

I wanted to point out that many times when we are feeling desperate for love, acceptance, and care, that we may do things that we would normally not be okay with for attention, affirmation and to gain self worth from others… We need to be careful in these instances that we don’t fall to these mechanisms in these weak times to get instant gratification that will make us feel terribly in the long run…

This could be demonstrated in a number of ways:

-Inappropriate photos to gain sexual attention from the opposite sex to make them pay attention to you.

-Asking for feedback or opinions on something you need affirmation on just because you NEED to hear someone say something good about you. You may go to the extent of saying you don’t agree so that they will go on and on and continue to rave about you.

-Posting severe posts on social media about feeling so depressed, suicide or, maybe even adding dramatic circumstances to situations that you are going through. This includes posting about things going on in your life to see if people care and want to reach out and make you feel better. It could be seen as using different circumstances as a way to get or manipulate someone to want to be with you or want to be your friend/do something for you.

-Constantly doing things out of your character and becoming dependent on people to tell you good things about yourself because you aren’t self confident enough to know that you ROCK even if no one tells you or makes you feel that way.

(Be honest with yourself? How many times have you done these things in hopes, in a desperate plea, to feel loved, important and cared about? Knowing in the back of your head that this was the complete worst way of going about it. I am going to be the first person to say that I am guilty of most of these things, even though they weren’t coming from a selfish place, but a place of a desperate need to feel loved. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT. You are a child of God. You need to rest in that, and have the strength and discipline to allow that to be enough, even in your most lonely of times.)

The human mind is an incredible thing. If we focus on a thought for too long, it can spiral into multiple other thoughts, usually negative thinking, and can make us depressed over a situation that did or didn’t even happen. It can make us feel worthless because of the things that we are claiming as truth about ourselves because of others’ opinions or how they made us feel. Just because someone thinks you’re ugly doesn’t mean you’re ugly. Just because someone thinks that you’re annoying doesn’t mean you are. You are not defined by the way other people view you.

You are in control of who you allow to determine your worth. You are in control of your actions in response of your feelings – even if they may be hard to handle.

We have to take responsibility for these feelings and emotions and realize that these are coming from an unhealthy place. The feeling of wanting to matter and feel important is a human quality, and one that we all share. However, if we do not have a fundamental belief instilled in us that we matter, have value, and are important, then every time we get rejected, passed over, overlooked, mean mugged, screamed at and drug through the mud of life, we will fall at the will of our enemies in a puddle of low self esteem instead of letting it roll off our backs and rising up again realizing that what they think doesn’t matter. We are the ones who hold their opinions to such a high place and allow ourselves to get down about it. We have to realize that WE ARE IN CONTROL of who we let steal away our joy. It’s not someone else’s responsibility to build you up and make you feel good, that’s your job. You can’t let someone else’s opinion of you change how you view yourself, because they don’t deserve the authority you give them to rate your value.

God tells us what our value is. He has the authority to rate your value because he created you. He says that you are a very GOOD creation (Gen 1:31), that you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), created in his image (Genesis 1:27), created by a God who knew who you were going to be before entering the womb (Jer 1:5), a chosen one (1 Peter 2:9), given a hope and a future (Jer 29:11), and fervently loved by a God while still a sinner (Romans 5:8).

God tells us these things about us KNOWING in full that we are sinners and are undeserving of his love. He is our creator and our heavenly father, so his opinion is THE ONLY one that matters. We will inherit his kingdom as his children, and we are so loved by him.

Don’t let your mind go to a place of self doubt and insecurity. You have to have the discipline to rise above the comfortability of feeling bad because people made you feel like the scum of the earth. I know what it’s like to be told things that weren’t true about me. I know what it’s like to have my name and my reputation drug through the mud for something I didn’t even do, and get no justice for it. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re wearing a scarlet letter and are defined for something in your life that was a really bad situation and that everyone has made their assumptions about and cuts you from their lives because of it.

Things will get us down, life will treat us unfairly, we won’t get the guy/girl, and we won’t get the perfect family, job description, car, spouse, college experience or friendships. However, if we let how others view us, and their opinion’s of us get us down, then we will never be happy and will never love ourselves. The reason for this is is because everyone will hurt us at one point or another because everyone is human. It’s what we decide to do with our hurt that will determine how we value ourselves.

You will never be liked by everyone, you will consistently feel rejected and you will be let down multiple times throughout your life. There is nothing you can do to change this.

Again, remember, Jesus was PERFECT, Yet he was still hated and was murdered. Hopefully this brings some perspective. Some people are just hateful people, and some people just won’t like you, for literally no reason. We can’t let those people steal our joy.

What would have happened if Jesus let what others thought about him define who he was? He was God! Yet, his rejection did not lead him astray or make him insecure, because he knew who he was. And, his love for us was greater than our hate for him.

This subject is really touchy, and I know how hard this is for all of us to go through. So, whether you’re going through this or not, I’m going to pray for you. I feel this in my heart that this is really going to touch people, because this is God speaking out on my behalf tonight. I love you guys…

Dear Lord God, I just love you so much. You are so incredibly good. I thank you for your constant provision and your constant love for us. Heavenly father, my heart hurts tonight as I think about all of the people who are reading this who are hurting, and all of the people who aren’t reading who you just love so so so much. You know I am typing with tears falling from my eyes for those who feel so unloved, uncared for, unimportant and incredibly worthless. Lord, I pray that they feel your presence tonight in a real way. Make yourself known to them tonight. Scoop them up into your incredibly warm and cozy arms and help them to rest in the knowledge that they are your special possession. Help them to know that you are in control of this situation and that although they are in pain, and have been so hurt, help them to know that you have something better for them and that this may not be it. This friendship, this relationship, this promotion, this want, need or desire that they want too much may not be what they need although it’s what they want. Help them to feel more confident in themselves, knowing that they are heirs to a throne, a royal and holy throne that we don’t deserve. Help them to see that you love them so much that you came down and lived a flawless life and died a criminal’s death on a cross for the sins of the world and humanity while humanity were still sinners. You didn’t come for perfect people… if you did, then you wouldn’t have needed to come. Thank you for loving us so much Lord. You are such a good good father, and we all need to be reminded at times that we have value. I ask that you touch each of the hearts of those who are reading this and are carrying so much pain. We love you so much God, and thank you again for everything that you have given us. I pray these things through your son Jesus’ name. Amen.

I hope that you are encouraged by this post, and leave this page knowing that you matter, you’re loved, you’re important and that you have the choice to choose who has the authority to judge your value.

TREAT YOURSELF WITH THE SAME LOVE THAT YOU SO FREELY GIVE TO OTHERS.

Sincerely, Rochelle

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